i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
