What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Found your dick twin last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
