duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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