I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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