Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
