Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
