i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
