I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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