i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
