I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
