I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
