hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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