Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
