I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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