remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
