Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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