I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
