NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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