i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
