Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize