so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
