I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize