he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
