finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
