Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just threw up on my dentist
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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