Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
