If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
