the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
