im drinking this country out of the recession.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
