i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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