I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
