you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
