my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
