I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Vodka?
Forever.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
