drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I woke up under a house in Key West
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
