Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
