is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
