Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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