I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
