sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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