Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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