Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is Oprah even human
There are leaves in my underwear?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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