his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
