the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What a dumb baby whore.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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