It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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