We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
