i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
