If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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