Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
