honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
