So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
