I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
