The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
