I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
