I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
