I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
