Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
