sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
