guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
