Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
