Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
