I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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