he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
