She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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