hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
