Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
