Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
