are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
