I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
As shirtless as possible
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
