So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
