youre lurking in front of me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
