If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
