How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
cat food counts as protein by the way
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
