hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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