If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
