He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
They took my balls.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
