Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
