Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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